Black Men Carry Enough Weight, and Sometimes We Just Need the Music.

Black Men Carry Enough Weight, and Sometimes We Just Need the Music.

(ThyBlackMan.com) Somebody decided a while back that a serious Black man ought to look as if he is hauling a boulder up a hill. I never agreed to that. My pushback happens right here in the kitchen, volume up, nothing loud about it.

Most of what gets published about brothers my age could pass for a case file. Statistics. Warnings. The weight of the world folded into a paragraph and handed to us at breakfast. I have read those pieces. Written a few myself, if I am being honest. There is truth in them, and I will not pretend otherwise. But I am 51 years old now, and I have started to notice how rarely anybody stops to ask whether we are having any fun.

Fun. Plain, ordinary, unearned fun. Let me sit with that instead.

Saturday mornings in my house belong to the record player. A phone would sound fine, cleaner even, and none of that matters to me. The needle coming down is the reason, that small ceremony ahead of the day asking things of me. Coffee first. Then I flip through the crates like a man deciding an important matter, which I suppose I am. Maze featuring Frankie Beverly usually wins. “Golden Time of Day” comes on and the whole room loosens its shoulders. My wife pretends she is annoyed. She is not. By the 2nd track she is humming, and before long she has forgotten whatever she was folding. For a little while after, the whole house runs on rhythm instead of worry, and that is about the closest thing to prayer I reach before noon.

Nobody sold me on this when I was younger. No one told me gladness could be a practice. I thought it arrived, or it did not. Chase money and respect long enough, I figured, and one day both would drop happiness on the porch like a package. What actually came was smaller and better. I learned to reach for the good feeling. On purpose. Before the hours had done anything to earn it.

Take the car. Some of my worst singing happens behind the wheel, and I mean that with pride. Anita Baker asks for a range I do not have and never will, yet I go for those notes anyway, red light after red light, sunroof cracked, grown fellas in the next lane pretending not to watch. Let them watch. What is the alternative? Sitting there stone faced as if a good time costs money I am unwilling to spend?

My father did none of this. I loved him, but the man wore his shoulders high and tight, braced for a wind that apparently would not let up. He worked. Then he worked some more. Whatever needed handling, he handled without a word about it. His laugh, on the rare day it surfaced, caught you off guard, because his face mostly stayed locked in that ready position, waiting on the next thing to go wrong.

So I dance. Badly. My knees file their complaints. The children find it deeply embarrassing, which is honestly a bonus. There is a specific move I do to Cameo that my daughter has begged me to retire, and her begging only makes me commit harder. That part comes with time. 40 years old in her own kitchen, some ancient record will find her. Her body will move before her mind grants permission. She will finally understand why the embarrassing dad had a point.

We discuss healing a lot now, and I am glad we do. Therapy, boundaries, rest, all of it. Good. Necessary. Yet somewhere in the seriousness of getting well, I worry we forgot that delight is medicine too. Not the deep sort that fixes the root. A shallower version. The kind that carries you through a rough Tuesday. A good bassline can hold a brother up on a bad afternoon. Cheaper than most remedies, and it has not once judged me for how I looked while receiving it.

Here is what I have come to believe. A brother who protects his peace also has to protect his pleasure, and those are not the same job. Peace is a quiet thing. Pleasure arrives loud. One is the deep breath at the end of a long shift. The other is Earth, Wind & Fire coming on at a cookout while 40 people who planned nothing suddenly move in the same direction. You need both. The world hands out endless reasons to sit still and stay guarded. It rarely offers you a reason to get up and shake something loose. That part you supply yourself, or it does not get supplied.

I keep a short list of songs for the hard days. The whole thing stays private, but I will tell you the opener belongs to The Isleys, and it has never failed me. Not once. Grief could not stop it. No layoff has managed to. Even a rough phone call from a doctor lost that fight. I press play, and for 4 minutes I am a person again instead of a problem being managed.

Maybe that sounds small to you. Perhaps you expected weightier material, given who is writing and what folks my age usually put on the page. Yet I have decided our lightness deserves defending as fiercely as anything else we claim. Give us mornings that open with a song instead of dread. We should get to sound terrible in traffic and feel wonderful doing it. Every brother alive has a claim on being caught mid step by the people who love him, then on keeping right along without apology.

So play the old album. Play it loud. Spin it on a random weekend for no reason a professional would ever sign off on. Let the speakers do what they were built to do, which is remind a tired brother that he is present, still moving, still, underneath everything the world stacks on his back, wide open to a little happiness.

That is no distraction from the struggle. It is the reward for surviving it.

Staff Writer; Lee Walker

This brother is a fitness trainer with 12 years of experience, focused on building strength, clarity, and real health within the Black community. Through his writing, Mr. Walker hopes to uplift younger Black men and men in general through honest conversations about fitness, financial pressure, fatherhood, discipline, mental wellness, and the importance of brotherhood.

Have questions? Reach me at LeeW@ThyBlackMan.com.